


"Activate"

by TheMadNoodler



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alpha kids - Freeform, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Eventual Smut, Future Fic, I Don't Even Know, I blame chofi, Maybe - Freeform, Multi, Rating May Change, Trolls, beta kids - Freeform, more characters may be added, will tag as story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 19:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6091927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMadNoodler/pseuds/TheMadNoodler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Can you believe this all came from a beautiful artwork by one of my favourite artists Chofi? They drew a beautiful picturing what Homestuck would be like if all the Alpha kids were androids built by the Beta kids to fight the Condesce. I don't know where this is going but I'm going to try and ride this train of inspiration for as long as possible. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. "Hello, TT?"

**Author's Note:**

> Can you believe this all came from a beautiful artwork by one of my favourite artists Chofi? They drew a beautiful picturing what Homestuck would be like if all the Alpha kids were androids built by the Beta kids to fight the Condesce. I don't know where this is going but I'm going to try and ride this train of inspiration for as long as possible. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

“TimaeusTestified, activate. Hello? TT? Activate. Activate TimaeusTestified. He- oh shit. No, no, no come on man, don’t do this. Okay, I’ll just shove you back th-  _ well _ . Fuck.”

Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and you have just completed the MONUMENTAL task of fixing up a high-tech KILLBOT. Granted that you haven’t been able to actually ACTIVATE IT just yet but with your totally UNIRONIC, totally RAD skills in the field of technology, you’re certain it won’t be long until you get this thing FIRED UP.

**\-- turntechGodhead** **[TG]** **began pestering gardenGnostic** **[GG]** **\--**

TG: hey

TG: will you open your laptop already

TG: or in your case laptopS

TG: you cant ignore me

TG: i know you always carry at least 5 laptops or some shit like that

TG: guess ill just sit here then. twiddling my thumbs like the tweedledum brothers waiting for alice on their rotten old log in their doped up wonderland

TG: im even whistling jade im fucking whistling

TG: i hope your happy

GG: sorry dave!!!

GG: i was so caught up on my project that i completely missed your messages!

GG: dave?

GG: dave!!!!

GG: ugh stupid cool kid

TG: not that great being ignored is it?

GG: dave?!?!

GG: were you really just ignoring me just now?

TT: no

TT: yes

TT: but since you have rightfully acknowledged the full extent of my indisputable coolness i guess i can let you off this time

TT: but only this time

GG: oh wow, im sooooo honoured!

GG: thanks mr ‘cool guy’

TT: woah there

TT: try to ease up with those totally sincere praises

TT: im practically drowning in your shower of compliments here

TT: drowning like roses laptop under the mountain of cozies she has stacked on it

TT: who even makes fucking cozies for their laptops anyway

GG: i like them!

GG: rose promised to give me some more when she gets her robot working again

TT: wait her robot is working?

GG: well it WAS

GG: i think she wanted to change it up a bit though

GG: she said something along the lines of cat ears?

GG: either way it sounds super cute!!!

GG: speaking of which, hows your robot going?

TT: its going fucking great

TT: smooth as discs sliding on a turntable

TT: with me sliding my equally smooth fingers across its silky surface

TT: its so fucking smooth my fingers are sliding off it jade

TT: its sliding right off the discs whoops there it goes right into the pits of i dont know what im fucking doing

GG: dave

TT: its gone jade its slid so deep in that hole that im up to my elbows jade

TT: im up to my godamn neck in this gelatinous smooth pit of it

TT: its viscid tendrils dragging ever so smoothly against my anguished face

GG: dave

TT: do you see this jade? do you see my slapping and slipping in this smooth sticky substance

GG: dave!!!! >:O

TT: yo

GG: i knew this was going to happen

TT: what was

GG: you were going to call me or something and find a really roundabout way to ask me to help you with your robot

TT: havent we just been talking about how cool i am?

TT: why would a cool guy like me need help from you?

GG: you cant get it to move right?

GG: have you tried tampering with the lynxmotion quadrature motor encoder?

TT: what

GG: :O

GG: dave! please tell me that you connected the lynxmotion quadrature motor encoder with the 7.2vdc 291rpm 11oz-in ghm-03 spur gear head motor

TT: uh

GG: did you even put in in your robot to begin with?

TT: what

By this point, you’re ready to flip the fuck away from your monitor and go bury your face in the comforting embrace of you most loved friend, Cal. Just kidding. Even without anyone looking, you know you would take a heavy blow to your Strider pride if you walked away from this now.

(Although, Cal  _ is _ staring pretty intensely at you. Suffice to say, your fear of puppets that had developed during your childhood had not ebbed the slightest. If anything, it’s only worsened and yet you can’t bring yourself to chuck the damned things. No matter how dead and soulless their eyes are.)

So you decide to man the fuck up and tackle whatever you had managed to get yourself dragged into head on. In the brief moments that you had considered all your options, a wall of green text had popped up and as your eyes skimmed over it, you began to realize that the only words you could begin to comprehend were the connectives. Even then you weren’t really sure about some of those.

You think you might need some extra apple juice for this.

 

~

Given any other situation, you would’ve been screaming out of frustration by now. Or at least quietly grumbling. Fortunately, this is not any other situation and you are Dave Strider and Striders do not extrinsically express their exasperation. Ever. You are, however, considering bleating like a goat. For purely IRONIC purposes of course.

Even Jade has lost her patience and has long since left you to your own devices. She also left behind a novel of words relating to the possible dysfunctions of your robot and how to solve them, however you have yet to look at the green text. You’re not sure you ever will.

Against your Strider code, you release a small sigh and stand up, wincing when various parts of your body crack. Your robot sits hunched over before you, the entirety of its back completely dismantled, revealing a tangle of wires and circuits. Even just  _ looking _ at it makes you want to slam your head against the nearest wall. You would never actually follow through of course.  You wouldn’t risk the possibility of damaging your shades.

The thought sends a pang through your chest and you sigh again. You’ve had these glasses ever since you were 13 and haven’t taken them off since they first graced your face. Your friend John Egbert had sent it to you as an early birthday present, as well as an assortment of other goods, which you’re pretty sure is taped up somewhere in your sty of a house.

Your friend had never once failed to comment on your glasses whenever the two of you met up and though you had huffed indignantly in response, you were secretly pleased that you would now always have a tangible piece of irony on you wherever you went. Of course, this was  _ before _ the arrival of the Condesce. Before the world was inevitably wiped out and you, along with three other of your friends had been mysteriously transported to separate, unknown lands.

 Either she never knew of your existence or she never cared, because thankfully, the Condesce never once attempted to attack you. Even without her intervention, having been violently thrown into the unknown, all of you had struggled to piece back some normality in your lives despite knowing it was futile. Still, you attempted this struggle for ten years.

Then on the tenth year, all hell broke loose.  _ Again _ .

 You figure the Condesce must’ve finally depleted Earth of all its resources. Or perhaps she had grown bored of her plaything. Nonetheless, she gained a sudden interest in your lives and promptly fucked it up. Jade lost her dog; Rose lost her  _ arm _ and John... You had  _ all _ lost John.

You’d like to believe that he had put up a hard fight, maybe even punched a few bruises on the bitch’s flawless skin, but you know better. John was never a fighter. Hell, he was the one that had suggested you all live on as normal to begin with. Always baking cakes, the moron. Truth be told, you would give anything,  _ anything _ to have him back. 

On the day of his capture, although you hadn’t seen John, you sure could hear him. The Condesce made sure of that. The sick bitch had captured him, floated over each and every one of your planets and mercilessly tortured him. She even broadcasted his screams too and when she laughed you swear you could’ve  _ torn her from limb to limb _ .

The slow bubbling of the lava below; the cruel, mechanical whirring of the gears and above it all, John’s agonizing screams resonating from the ship floating just barely out of reach. You haven’t been able to leave your house since. Every time you do, you're immediately surrounded by the sound of churning gears and the memory assaults you so violently you can barely swallow back the bile and prevent yourself from spewing chunks on the spot. You haven’t told the girls, instead making up simple excuses every time they press, although you have a feeling Rose might have an inkling of what the real reason is. Thankfully, she’s still kept those questions to herself.

A pang shoots through your chest again and you hiss, hand grasping at your shirt.  _ This is my punishment _ , you think, a mirthless smile twisting your lips.  _ My fucking damnation and all because I never told the asshole _ . A small part of your brain retaliates, viciously lambasting you with accusations of your infidelity. How the fuck were you supposed to cheat on someone with a dead man? Well, none of that mattered now you supposed. You and Jade were a thing of the past. You had broken up with her on the basis that you were, quote unquote, ‘going through a lot of stuff right now.’ Truthfully, you had loved Jade and even when you were breaking up with her, you never wanted her to know the truth, in fear it would hurt her more than she was already hurting.

So much for the ‘Strider code’. You’re a coward through and through and boy do you know that. Sometimes you wish the others could see it too. You were sick of being Dave, the ‘calm, collected one’. The one that ‘always has his shit together’ and the one who ‘had the perfect poker face’’. You were sick of having to learn to school your features so that there was never a flaw, a crack in your pretty, perfect mask of indifference. For once,  _ you _ wanted to be the one that screamed and yelled and cried.

(While everyone else is building and upgrading their bots, you’ve completely abandoned yours to instead wallow in your own self-pity and misery. You seriously need to start sleeping at regular hours again.)

You down your bottle of apple juice, carelessly chucking it in the general direction of what you

presume is the wastebasket. You’ve been cooped up in your lab for God knows how long and force yourself to transcend the stairs that lead to the comforts of your actual house. The door creaks in protest at having been woken from its slumber but you ignore it and step outside. The house is just as you left it three weeks ago. A total fucking wreck. You suppose it’s an accurate representation of you really. At this point in time however, you simply do not give two shits about the state of your surroundings. You’re tired, hungry and facing a very inconvenient internal dilemma. You don’t have the willpower to deal with anything right now. All you want to do now is just curl up and bury yourself in something soft. Maybe Rose had the right idea with those cozies.

**\-- tentacleTherapist** **[TT]** **began pestering turntechGodhead** **[TG]**

TT: Jade has just sent me a rather alarming message regarding your mental and

emotional health.

TT: Are you experiencing troubles with the robotics?

TG: your cozies are fucking dumb

TT: I think I can understand Jade’s utmost concern now.

TT: You seem rather aggravated judging by the fact that you have just rather crassly insulted the products of my cathartic hobbies without any prior provocation.

TG: just shut your perfumy trap

TT: I think I’ll just disregard your comment on the aroma of my mouth and ask you again.

TT: Is it the robot?  

TT: Or perhaps I need to dig a little deeper?

TT: I think it’s time I brought out one of the many psychoanalysis journals I maintain for you.

TG: oh god no i thought you got rid of those years ago

TT: I decided that they could potentially be of some use in the future.

TT: Was I correct in my assumptions, Dave?

TG: no

TG: yes

TG: this is fucking stupid

TG: ive been trapped inside my own godamn basement for three weeks now and despite every single living, breathing moment of my life working on it the fucking thing still wont turn on

TG: if theres mention of something robotics related again I will fly off the handle

TG: im gonna do some sort of acrobatic fucking PIROUETTE off the handle and win like a medal or some shit

TT: I seem to recall quite clearly that you were the one, in fact, to have been most enthused about this new endeavor of ours.

TG: well i that was when it was still some stupid plan I conjured for the sake of irony

TG: like oh wow the condesce sure is strong and we are sure as hell not

TG: ive got it!

TG: why dont we just build some superhuman versions of ourselves aka androids to go beat the shit out of her so we can hide in our little hidey holes

TT: Dave, what we’re doing right now, what YOU’RE doing right now is NOT cowardly.

TG: yeah sure

TT: Dave, I know that you have an...aversion to a confrontation with the Condesce but I assure you that it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re just absconding.

TT: You’re correct in that we have only human anatomies, therefore we would be more than easily damaged. I’m sure my arm is proof of that.

TG: shit rose im sorry

TT: It’s alright Dave.

TT: Simply put, against an extraterrestrial being like her, we wouldn’t stand a chance.

TT: But with the androids, maybe we do. We can send them out to battle under OUR control and maybe then, we’ll finally be able to seek vengeance for John.

TT: Isn’t that what you want?

TG: of course it is jesus!

TT: Then quit refusing our offers of help and, as you would put it, take it like a man!

TG: alright lalonde

TG: youve swayed my ice cold heart

TG: you should feel honoured

TG after all im kind of a big deal

TT: Oh, I sure am Dave.

TT: I am amazed that a lowly peasant, such as myself, was able to even brush so delicately against the heavily bejeweled confines of your chest and touch your heart in such a way that you have been convinced to even momentarily remove the heavy crown perched upon your head.

TG: hell yeah

TG: thats what i like to hear

TT: Indeed.

TT: Now make haste and tidy up your abode before you even consider contacting Jade.

TG: how the fuck

TT: Good luck.

**\-- tentacleTherapist** **[TT]** **ceased pestering turntechGodhead** **[TG]**

Trust Rose to chew you out for your idiocy. You appreciate her efforts however, and feel a new sense of determination. You push the sense of unease that bloomed after Rose’s previous comment and as you make your way towards your bedroom, you begin picking up all the clothes and clutter strewn across the floor.

Arms full of junk, you struggle to open your bedroom door using just your elbow and when you finally do, the sight nearly makes you drop everything anyway. You curse under your breath, which you’re forced to take sparingly if you don’t want to pass out from the toxic fumes emitting from an unknown corner in your room. You knew you hadn’t been particularly tidy the past few weeks but godamn you think you might need to just quarantine the place. Or burn it.

Despite your internal complaints, you get to work sifting through the piles of putrid currently residing on your floor and soon you lapse into a half-conscious state. Your mind jumps from thought to arbitrary thought until it finally settles on dredging up memories of the past. Thankfully, they’re good ones like that time you were given your first katana or when you discovered the beauty of the Internet.


	2. Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! Sorry I couldn't get it to 2000 words but I finished this some time in the wee hours of the morning and I just wanted to get it done. Enjoy!

With a small, satisfied smirk Rose shutdown the laptop screen and pushed herself off the desk, stretching her back. When it finally ‘cracked’,  she sighed and took a moment to survey her room. Her thoughts drifted back to Dave and she chuckled. Her room may not be the tidiest, but it was certainly cleaner than Dave’s pig sty of a room.

_ Speaking of Dave. _ She headed out of her room, downstairs towards the kitchen/living room, where she had pushed aside the rugs and the statues to make room for her latest project. In the middle of the bare floor, a figure sat, slumped over and surrounded it was an array of unidentifiable mechanical parts.

She was too busy gazing at her prized work to notice another smaller black figure curled up by the stairs and was rewarded with a loud howl when she accidently stepped on it. It scrambled away, tail on end and fur frazzled as Rose flailed to regain her balance and  _ not _ go flying down the stairs.

 

“Oh, Jaspers,” she cooed, bending down to beckon him over, “I’m sorry. I would never hurt you on purpose.” Despite her reassurances, Jaspers refused to move, instead grooming itself indignantly. Rolling her eyes, she stood up and once again directed her attention towards the figure on the floor. Upon reaching the figure, Rose lowered down before it, until she was eye level and very softly said, “Activate, tipsyGnostic.”

 

Motors purred and fans whirred quietly as the figure came to life before her eyes. A soft, pink glow illuminated on Rose’s eyes as thick eyelashes parted and pupils dilated. “Rose?”

 

“Hello, Roxy.” Roxy brightened, smile wide as she flung her arms around Rose’s neck, nearly knocking her over.

 

“I’ve missed you!” Roxy chirruped, rubbing her face against Rose’s. Her ears were lowered and her tail wrapped tightly around Rose’s leg.

 

Rose chuckled, “I’ve missed you to. How’re you feeling today?” Roxy disentangled herself from Rose, leaning back to sit on her haunches. She cocked her head ever so slightly, humming as she searched for an answer to the question.

 

“Now that you’re here, I feel great!” Rose smiled, “But that’s not what you mean right?”

 

“It’s alright,” Rose reassured, “I can see you’re functioning adequately. Please, come along with me. I want you to perform some exercises for me.” She grasped Roxy’s hand, pulling her up and leading her up to the roof of the house. Although Roxy had seen the house countless of times, she never failed to stare in wonder at the numerous wizard statues and paintings. “Let’s get started shall we?” Roxy nodded vigorously, already bouncing on her heels before Rose had even set anything. It had been some time since she had last been able to stretch her wires.

 

In the beginning, Rose had her perform some simple stretching exercises in order to test the limits of her flexibility. They moved on to strength and stamina next. Here, Roxy had struggled to maintain her balance for several poses. Rose made a mental note to check on that later. Other than that, Roxy had managed to effortlessly spin, leap and run.

 

“Seems like everything is in working order. Thank you for your cooperation, Roxy.”

 

“No probs! Now, it’s  _ my _ turn.” Confused turned to surprise when Roxy suddenly grabbed both of Rose’s hands and yanked her forwards. Roxy launched into a series of spins and jives, never letting go of Rose’s hands.

 

“Roxy!” Rose shrieked, trying hard not to trip over herself. “What’re you doing?”

  
“Dancing!”

 

“To what? There’s no music!”

 

Roxy laughed, shrill and manic, “then let’s sing!” Abruptly spinning Rose away from her, Roxy started belting out an unidentifiable tune at the top of her lungs. “Come on! Siiiiing with meeee~” Rose was hesitant, that was clear. She was never much of a singer or even a dancer, but when she saw such excitement in her creation’s eyes, she abandoned her fears and attempted to follow along to Roxy’s made up song.

 

She blushed furiously when Roxy laughed and snapped her mouth shut, but with Roxy’s words of encouragement, she slowly started up again, volume building until she was just about on par with Roxy’s extraordinarily loud singing.

 

So it was there they danced and sang, until their arms and legs ached (for Rose), and sweat dripped from their chin (again only for Rose). Finally, they collapsed (c’mon Rose this is just plain embarrassing), panting heavily and allowing the cold of the concrete floor to soothe her burning skin.

 

“Remind me again why we just spent the last two hours flailing about in the baking hot sun?”

 

“Aw, you had fun! Don’t try and deny it!” Roxy poked Rose in the ribs but barely got a reaction through the exhaustion. Rose swatted her hand away in mock annoyance but in truth, it had been a while since she had been this happy. Not since John had been-

 

She slammed a mental wall shut before the thought could develop any further. She already dealt with the after-effects for long enough. If she chose to dwell on it any further, she wouldn’t be surprised if she spiraled down like Dave did.

 

“Rose? What’re you thinking about? You’re making that frowny face again.” Roxy rubbed her cold fingers against Rose’s forehead, trying to smooth the creases deeply imbedded there. For her sake, Rose smiled but Roxy wasn’t fooled. (Of course she wasn’t, Rose had built her after all. If anything, she would’ve been disappointed if the fake reassurance had been bought.) “Tell me? Please?”

 

With Roxy staring so sadly at her with those pretty pink eyes, what else could Rose have done. She couldn’t help but feel an inkling of regret having programmed Rose to contain all the qualities Rose wished for in herself. She had certainly never expected the outcome to show so soon, and on her of all people. Yet, it was only an inkling and it was inundated by her pride.

 

“I’m afraid that I have concerns regarding Dave.”

 

Roxy cocked her head, echoing, “Dave? The guy with the rad shades?”

 

Rose chuckled, “I’m sure I could refute that last statement but for convenience’s sake, yes, the guy with the rad shades.”

 

“Layeth uponeth me thyeth contherneth, oh Rothieth.”

 

“Was that an attempt, a truly fantastic one might I add, at conveying the exquisite language of the era of William Shakespeare?”

 

“Uh… yes?”

 

“Okay, oh Roxieth. I suppose I’m in a- a pickle as of what to do with Dave’s situation. I feel as though I haven’t keep it well enough under-wraps and it’s been slowly crawling its way out from the cracks. Although I seem to have suppressed it as of the moment, I would be lying if I said I didn’t fear its return.” When only silence ensued, Rose worried that perhaps it had been a little too much to take in and was just about to dismiss the matter when Roxy started,

 

“Maybe you’ve screwed the lid on too tight?”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Roxy’s brow furrowed and her fingers flapped about as she attempted to voice her thoughts, “What I mean is, more than not keeping it ‘well enough under-wraps’ maybe you’ve kept it  _ too _ well under-wraps.” Her sentence died out as Rose fixed her with a stare and she began backtracking. “I-I haven’t been with you that long and I haven’t even met rad shades guy yet so I can’t really like, interfere as much I guess? The way I see it though is Dave is the pickle right? Okay, so Dave’s the pickle, and you want to get the pickle. You see that this pickle is not pickly enough though, so you screw the lid on eeeeeeextra tight and then every once in awhile, you check up on this pickle until he is pickly enough. Maybe, just maybe, you don’t need to keep him in the jar. Maybe he’s already pickly enough on the inside but you won’t know until you take a bite.” Rose sat there, staring open mouth in shock and confusion. Mostly confusion. Roxy noticed and began to visibly deflate, already trying to dismiss her explanation but Rose interrupted,

 

“No. It’s fine. I understand perfectly. Thank you, Roxy.”

 

Roxy immediately brightened and grinning, said, “you can leave it ro-lal to fix things.”

 

“Indeed. I best be hiring your extraordinary services more often then?” And here that inkling of regret vanished. Although the analogy in itself had been somewhat obscure, Rose could get the gist of it and it made her pause and think,  _ really _ think about her method of handling things. She wasn’t often commented on her methodology and never once had it been questioned. Truthfully, even if someone  _ had _ questioned it, Rose was fairly certain she would have either mocked them in defense or simply not believe them. 

 

With Roxy however, Rose detected no malice, no superiority in her analysis. She simply told Rose how she felt, and for that, Rose was thankful. In her group of friends, none of them had been particularly commendable for their display of feelings and should they in the rare occurrences do so, it often came in the form of sarcasm. Roxy was a refreshing voice in light of that.

 

As she spent more and more time with Roxy, Rose began to realise just how big of a chunk of  _ good _ was missing in her. She had designed Roxy to resemble her minus the flaws and with a generous helping of exuberance. Roxy was everything Rose had aspired-  _ was _ aspiring to be yet she never felt an ounce of jealousy. Instead, she was happy that there was an embodiment of her lacking good traits. Happy that she had been able to implement a little bit more good in this dying, chaotic world.

 

“Rose?” Roxy squeaked in surprise when Rose suddenly embraced her. Once the initial surprise, Roxy smiled and wrapped her arms around Rose’s soft body. The sound of metal sliding against metal startled and she pulled away slightly, fingers brushing against the cool surface of Rose’s arm. “Look, we’re the same!” 

 

Rose smiled. “Like twins.”

 

“Mmmm, I was thinking more like mommy and baby. And before you ask yes, I am the mommy.”

 

“Oh really now? Tell me then, mother, what makes you say that?”

 

Roxy clasped her hands as she sighed, “I’ve always wanted a small, cute, edgy daughter.”

 

“Edgy am I? What happened to dark goth chick?”

 

“You’re that too.” Roxy smirked.

 

“Then what are you? Cool, robo madame?”

 

Roxy’s smile faltered momentarily before she smiled and chirped, “Yep! I’m also ro-lal, roro L money all  _ while _ being you mom. Aren’t I the best? Why don’t you go pour us some robo wine? Check the cellars; I may have stashed some pinot noir.”

 

“Oh yes, mother dear. Right away. I shall brandish for you our finest red robo wine so that you may sip sensually from its rim whilst lamenting the ever growing loss of your youth and the fine men that had come with it.”

 

“Perfect! Well, what’re we waiting for? To the cellars!” And as they barreled down the stairs, hand in hand and hair streaming Rose suddenly remembered the entire reason for Roxy’s existence. This wasn’t some fun side project for her own amusement. She was to send Roxy off to war.

  
And like that, the regret came flooding back in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos and/or a comment! You thoughts on this story mean so much to me!


	3. Cool as a Cucumber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this fic as well but wow am I on a roll in updating fics! I'm not really happy with this chapter, partly due to my unfamiliarity with writing in first person and partly due to just the feel of it. Anyway, I didn't want to leave this longer so I hope you all enjoy it!

“Come at me, you stupid, grinch-skinned imps!” Growling, about three imps launched themselves at me, sharp claws gleaming in the snow. It took less than a second to snap my rifle up to eye level and take three shots.Only one imp fell short at my feet as the other two sparked out of existence only to reappear in their original spot. “Argh! Why’re you things so damn hard to kill?” They all giggled at me.  _ Giggled at me! _

 

Enraged, I took a few more pot shots, sending those that weren’t dead scampering away. Punching the air in triumph, I even laughed a little knowing that I had managed chased the imps away from my base. Although, I’m not sure if I could call it that.

 

A sudden coldness seeped into the tip of my nose and I crossed my eyes to find a quickly melting snowflake. All around me, those same silvery flakes were drifting down, swirling and dancing through the air. When I looked up, I was disappointed to find that dark grey clouds still smothered the sky. In all honesty, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a blue sky once on this planet. I can’t help but be a teensy bit jealous whenever I think of Rose’s land; all bright colours and blue skies.  _ Although, the snow can be really pretty too. _

 

I was tramping through this same snow as I made my way back to the house, disturbing the tranquil beauty of the white surface. Almost as though in retaliation, a particularly chilly breeze bit at my cheeks and I pulled the scarf - the one Rose had hand-knitted personally for me - tighter around my face.

 

My base wasn’t that far but by the time I had reached it, it was blanketed in a thin covering of snow,  _ again _ . At this rate, my plants wouldn’t be able to retrieve any sunlight and wither up. Concerned for them, I picked up the pace, not even bothering to shake the snow off my body before stepping into the house. 

 

Immediately I was greeted with warmth as the fireplace burned fiercely from somewhere within the house. At last I was able to shrug off my thick coat and unclench my hand, my fingers of which had been tightly grasping my rifle. They ached in protest but I ignored it and headed up the stairs until I reached the greenhouse. 

 

“Oh no!” The room was near pitch black with the snow covering up the entirety of the window and already I could see frost forming on my odd-looking flowers. Even my awesome electic bass solos sounded tinny in the stifling air. Annoyance bubbled in me and I stomped out the room to find the one to blame for this lack of care. I checked the trophy room, my room, Grandpa’s lab and even valiant knight’s room (that place gives me the willies) but I couldn’t catch hair nor hide of the criminal. Just as I was about to give up whilst on the ground floor, I heard a noise coming from the Grand Foyer. As I got closer, I recognised it as muffled speaking and my annoyance came back full force.

 

I entered the room, fully intending to give the figure sitting in the middle a piece of my mind but, something stopped me. Instead I just stood there, lowering my fist and just watched.

 

“...been most fortunate as to have attained a spanking copy of ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’. Ever heard of it? It’s simply a smashing movie. Friggin hilarious! Of course, Jade doesn’t seem to find it quite as amusing, though that’s probably just because she doesn’t know a lot about movies. She’s quite boring that way. Haha, just kidding, she’s an absolute blast am I right chaps?” He paused, the previously wide smile slipping from his face and he slowly pulled his knees up to his chin, crossing his arms and resting in its crook. At that moment, he looked so sad and I couldn’t understand why. Until he continued, “A downright hot dog. It’s not that I don’t enjoy being in her company it’s just…” he trailed off, sighing disheartenedly.

 

“Just what, Jake?” He yelped in surprise, scrambling backwards and fixing me with green-eyed stare of shock, glasses whirring and whizzing as they analysed the figure before them.

 

“O-Oh, Jade. It’s just you. I must say, well done on catching me flat footed. I’m not normally so easily caught unawares.”

 

“Sure Mr. I’m-a-super-cool-over-powered-android, sir.” I sat on the floor, patting the next spot next to me. Jake sat down, face easing into a natural smile. “What’re you doing here Jape?” His smile faded and he directed his gaze to the ground. Again, that same sadness flitted across his eyes and I was overcome with confusion. I didn’t remember ever inputting an extra board of synthesised emotions while I was building him. Technically speaking, Jake should not have been able to experience sadness. Sure, he could mimic emotions when they were displayed extrinsically, however, he would not be able to conjure his own array of feelings. Just as I was about to ask again he suddenly burst out,

 

“Why won’t you like ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’?” And like that, all of my concern evaporated and I rolled my eyes at him.

 

“It’s booooring.”

 

“The audacity! To call such fine masterpiece ‘boooooring’.” 

 

“What about  _ your _ audacity to not complete the one task I had assigned to you as I left?” There was a sense of glee as I watched his brain process my words.

 

“Oh, cripes! Apologies, Jade. I’ve got a brain of a sieve haven’t I? I will attend to the task immediately.” Jade giggled and stood up, brushing dust off her skirt. 

 

“Good. Let’s go then.” I extended a hand to Jake who took it out of courtesy, easily standing up regardless of my help. We made casual talk as they ascended the many stairs leading up to the atrium. Upon entering, Jake froze and I could tell that his analytical systems were coming into play.

 

“By jove, Jade, you were right,” he said, slowly surveying the room.  “I’m finding interference with the sound waves emitting from the speakers which I suspect is a result of the cancellation of their energy due to the refraction of the wavelengths by the many separated water droplets.”

 

“Wow. All that found in a couple of seconds?” I asked, grinning. He only stared curiously back, saying,

 

“Of course, Jade. That is my function after all isn’t it?”

 

Waving him off, I sighed, “nevermind. Can you fix this?” He nodded, once, and turned on his heel, disappearing again down the stairs. While he was off doing whatever, I decided I might as well try to do some damage control here. Without any light filtering in, the plants were already looking kind of pathetic and until Jake sorted it out, there wasn’t much I could do. I could, however, water them, or fertilise them or even try to melt some of the frost away (although there was the  _ slight _ concern that I might end up setting alight to the plants while I was at it).

 

Under my breath, I began to hum along to my solo blasting from the speaker’s, knowing exactly which note came when. I couldn’t help but feel a slight sense of pride knowing that thanks to my music, my strange, beautiful flowers thrived that little better.  _ Ping!  _ It seemed as though Dave had taken it upon himself to pester me again. Last time, I’d grown so frustrated I told him to work it out himself. I couldn’t help but feel slight remorse about it now though. Dave couldn’t help the fact that he was never an expert with robotics. 

 

TG: hey

GG: hey

GG: sorry about earlier

GG: i shouldnt have left you like that :(

TG: nah its cool

GG: no its not cool

GG: it was UNcool

TG: seriously its cool

GG: how cool?

TG: cool as a cucumber

TG: hows a cucumber cool anyway?

TG: who decided that out of all the vegetables known to mankind a fucking cucumber was the coolest?

GG: but cucumbers ARE cool

TG: how would you know?

TG: ive only ever seen you with those freaky pumpkins of yours

GG: :O my pumpkins arent freaky!

GG: youre freaky!

TG: damn right im freaky

TG: im all kinds of freaky

TG: freakier than that freaky flip in that movie freaky friday

GG: oh!!! i remember that movie!

GG: it was really funny!

TG: i guess

TG: so hows your robot?

GG: android!

GG: and hes great!

GG: hes a lot like my grandpa actually

GG: i guess thats because i had him replicate that thick english accent

GG: but the real question is

GG: hows YOUR robot?

TG: oh you know

TG: all cool and shit

GG: as a cucumber?

TG: as a fucking cucumber

GG: thats great!

TG: well looks like i have to renounce my sarcasm permit

GG: huh?

TG: its not cool jade

TG: its the furthest thing from a cool cucumber

TG: and seriously

TG: its nearly making me lose my cool

GG: :O

TG: nearly

GG: :(

GG: i just dont understand what you dont understand

TG: everything

TG: i understand fuck all jade

TG: im just sitting here in my little satanist circle of circuits and other robo junk

TG: and i understand fuck all

 

Just as I was about to type out a message of apology, there was a loud crash that nearly scared me right out of my skin. When I whirled around to find the source of the noise, I was slightly calmed to find it was only Jake lying crumpled up on the floor.

 

“Jake, what’re you doing?” He slowly stood up and I could hear the all the nuts and joints creak and screech as he did so.  _ Looks like I need to oil him up again _ .

 

“Pardon me Jade, I was merely trying out this new-fangled flying machinery you installed on my back before. The old kanoodle figured it was a spiffing idea to use it to reach the speakers instead of having to carry out some other cumbersome lifting device. Do carry on and don’t mind me.” Jade rolled her eyes good-naturedly and turned her attention back to the screen, whereupon Dave had gone off on another one of his tangents. Her ears were still tuned into the whistles and hiss of the jetpack booting up and Jake attempting to master it and a thought crossed her mind.

 

GG: wait dave

GG: i think i know how to help you

TG: jade i think i made it pretty clear last time that copying and pasting a fucking robot manual did jack all to help

GG: no not that

GG: what if i try sending jake over?

TG: who?

GG: jake?

GG: my android?

TG: jade

TG: i dont know if you know this

TG: but we are literally worlds apart

TG: how in holy hell are you going to get a moving heap of metal all the way over here

TG: did i mention im surrounded by lava?

TG: but yeah

TG: im also surrounded by lava

GG: dave its okay!

GG: he has a jetpack :D

TG: how the fuck

TG: you know what

TG: im not even going to ask

TG: but how is a talking tin can supposed to help me

GG: hes programmed to easily obtain knowledge from any source available in his surroundings

GG: i have also been teaching him a lot of things

GG: i have to say that he is a pretty damn good pumpkin farmer now

TG: forget the pumpkins

TG: how soon can you get him here?

GG: hmmmm hes quite the bulky boy

TG: bulky boy

GG: yes

GG: so it should at least 15minutes

TG: cool

TG: i guess that gives me time to do some other shit then

GG: let me know when he gets there

TG: sure

 

“Jake, can you come here?” Immediately he was by my side. “I need you to do me a little favour, okay?”

 

“Of course. What is it you require of me?”

 

“I need you to go to the Land of Heat and Clockwork and help Dave with the construction of his android. I’ll upload the map and coordinates from the laptop so give me your connecting cable.” It didn’t take long to upload the relevant information and once that was done, I quickly coiled the cabled back into his cervical container and with an encouraging pat, sent him on his way. “Watch out for lava!” I called after him as he blasted off albeit a little bit unsteadily.

 

Now that he was gone, I decided I should get to work fixing the speaker problem I had assigned to him earlier. It was a surprisingly arduous process and it was only as I was trying to haul the metal ladder around did I envy Jake’s ability to fly. So when there was a soft  _ ping _ I was more than eager to just take a break for the time being.

 

TG: harley what the fuck did you do to him

GG: his names jake by the way

GG: and what happened? did he combust?

TG: worse

TG: i cant understand him at all

GG: is his speech distorted?

GG: maybe check his voice box

TG: no its not that

TG: i cant understand his weird ass accent

GG: :O

GG: that accent was my grandpas by the way

TG: sorry jade but holy crap

TG: what the fuck is hogswallop

GG: dave its okay

GG: he knows what he needs to do

GG: why dont you just sit back and be cool

GG: grab a couple of cucumbers :P

TG: im the coolest of the cool right now

TG: but youre right

TG: i can be cooler

TG: alright harley

TG: ill let your bulky boy handle things from here then

GG: :D

TG: oh shit hes actually pretty good

GG: >:D

TG: the things actually starting to come together

TG: my fucking garbage pile of metal and shit is actually starting to look human

GG: >:DD

TG: im diggin that face

TG: thats exactly what im looking for

TG: that exact face

GG: >:DDDD

TG: aw yeah

TG: what

GG: what?

TG: he finished

GG: ???

TG: your bot finished my bot

GG: yay!

TG: hes saying something

TG: and just left

TG: what the fuck is tally ho?

TG: whatever

TG: okay lets test this bad boy out

GG: im excited!

TG: me too

TG: holy fucking shit

TG: hes working

TG: jade hes fucking working

TG: holy shit what do i do now

TG: this is the first time hes actually worked

TG: sorry but i gotta go

TG: need to strife with this motherfucker

TG: thanks for everything

GG: no problem dave!

GG: you shouldve thanked jake though

TG: nah

TG: hes just a robot so he wouldnt understand anyway

TG: later

GG: oh right

GG: ok bye

 

**\-- turntechGodhead** **[TG]** **ceased pestering gardenGnostic** **[GG]** **\--**

 

I couldn’t help but frown at his parting statement. I mean yes, technically, Jake is a robot. Even so, I’m sure he would’ve at least appreciated the gesture. Well, I supposed it didn’t matter now. I would tell Dave about it next time. For now, I had bigger things to worry about.

  
Like how to find a way to  _ not _ haul a heavy-ass ladder up all the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be a douche Dave
> 
> Please leave a kudos and a comment! I love to hear all of your opinions!

**Author's Note:**

> Get your shit together Dave


End file.
